Are We In The Matrix?

And are NPCs real?

Our minds and thoughts are a topic that I have a vested interest in, as you can see by several posts I’ve made addressing this very subject:

Mind Control and Dissociation
Did You Know?: There are some people that don’t have an inner dialogue.
Are You in Control of Your Thoughts?

And the repeated mention of others that touch on the idea of NPC’s (non-playable characters) being an actual, real life phenomena in our daily lives is something that I’d like to bring up.

Is this a ridiculous concept?

I have to be honest. Sometimes I wonder at the seemingly inability of some people to think “critically”, or even to think at all.

Morpheus: “The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system, is our enemy.

When you’re inside, you look around, what do you see?

Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters, the very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy.

You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.

Are you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?”

Neo: “I was – “

Morpheus: “Look again.”

Neo: (looks behind him to come face to face with a gun pointing at his head)

Morpheus: “Freeze it.”

Neo: “This, this isn’t the Matrix?”

Morpheus: “No. It’s another training program designed to teach you one thing.

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.”

Neo: “What are they?”

Morpheus: “Sentient programs. They can move in and out of any software still hardwired to their system. That means that anyone we haven’t unplugged is potentially an agent.

Inside the Matrix, they are everyone, and they are no one.

When I researched the inner monologue and inner thoughts, and the realization that some people truly did not have this capability, at all, but instead seemed to “file away” their information, it made me deduce that all of the knowledge that they have was given to them, and they don’t necessarily have the comprehension skills to logically reason through the data and come up with their own conclusion. They only accept it, without question, because it comes from an “expert” or an “authority figure”. Their inability to constructively go through the information and determine the truth of it is marred by, perhaps, their inherent different neurological make-up and the lack of an inner voice to help guide them into filtering facts from fiction.

Now obviously I’m not implying that everyone without an inner dialogue think the same way, or specifically think this way. But it was a correlation made between this and some of the interviews I’ve seen with people who claim that they don’t have an inner dialogue. Could there be some basis of truth to it?

All throughout our life, most of us are taught to “trust the news”, “trust our teachers”, “trust our parents”, “trust the police”, “trust the doctors”, “trust the government”, “trust the experts“, etc., etc., etc. The supposition is that most of us are so deeply wrapped in the “worldly system” that whatever the simulated majority says and thinks, people will go along with it because we (and especially the NPCs) quite literally need to be told what to do and how to think.

And if we are being told “facts” by those in a trusted position (I don’t think that exists anymore…), people are more inclined to believe these so-called experts, than a complete stranger who is calling these experts out for their errors. And don’t even get me started on the smear campaigns that the corrupt system indulges in if there is an actual expert (or anyone else for that matter) that is saying something against their narrative…

If there is someone with a thought that deviates from this system, there is automatic resistance to that person and/or idea because it is threatening their way of life.

And I have to be very clear. Some of these are very bright and intelligent people. They have incredible book knowledge and seem very informed on a wide variety of subjects. They’re smart. Coherent.

But that’s the thing. If the information they are getting from whatever source they are using is WRONG, they won’t be able to discern from this false information since it’s “common sense” to trust what’s in our history books, our teachers, our scientists, etc. The concept that the educational system, or psychologists, or news media and so on, can do no wrong is so deeply ingrained in them and they will refuse to think otherwise. Some will simply deny the truth out of fear – they DON’T WANT TO SEE IT. And anyone who can see through the lies and the deception will automatically be labeled as a “conspiracy theorist” and/or a paranoid delusional that needs help.

Now, imagine if there is an infiltration coup happening to invade every aspect of our lives. Let’s say, just for example, by a secret, corrupt organization – or society, if you will. This group will stop at nothing to put their own people at the top, even going so far as to murder and cover-up their agenda. Could these people successfully infiltrate our news media, our churches, our government, our education system, etc.?

Former Luciferian (Satanic) Cult Member Exposes the Dark Illuminati Agenda
How the Illuminati (Luciferian Satanists) Infiltrated Religion, Secret Socities & Government and Hijacked Them from Within

What do you think the answer is? Does this sound inconceivable and too complicated to ever be pulled off? What if this same group of people were indoctrinated since infancy to participate in this kind of hostile-takeover? What if these groups of people expand far further than most people realize and since they have no qualms about killing off their competitors, they would receive very little push back from the companies they are trying to take over?

And if there are NPC’s in our world, this take-over would be quite simple, really, since NPC’s won’t question their new over-lords leaders.

Are we surrounded by Agent Smiths? And/or bodies capable of hosting Agent Smiths?

Source: youtube | Bloomberg Politics

A secret service agent appears to give commands to Hillary Clinton at a campaign after Hillary stalls for a moment while staring at an unseen person or object off screen. Several other agents then surround Hillary, either in an effort to protect her, or, perhaps, to control her and/or the situation around them. Meanwhile, the first agent repeats his command to her to “keep talking”.

And are there people that have been unplugged, but are desperate to go back into the system, even at the cost of other people’s lives?

Please check out the tragic tale of Erin Valenti. Shortly before she died, she called her parents in a panic and stated the following cryptic message,

It’s all a game, it’s a thought experiment, we’re in the Matrix.

Erin Valenti was a CEO for Tinker Ventures (strangely, there is not much activity on the Twitter page and the last tweet was made on August 23, 2019) as well as other startup initiatives, and was also involved in other companies that research and experiment with mind control and brainwave interfaces and DNA/genetic sequencing  – such as CTRL-labs and Summit Partners/IDT (Integrated DNA Technologies). Not to mention her connection with Silicon Valley and the tech networking/industries, which are a whole questionable and suspicious circumstance in and of itself.

There was also the controversial seminar (Ontocore / Create Powerful) she attended that many suspect is a kind of indoctrination camp or maybe even some type of cult initiation. Of course, this could be way off base and an actual legitimate course to help those in executive positions, although only those directly involved and who have participated would know for sure. (If they have the eyes and ears to see and hear it for what it is…)

She was also an advocate for the fight against human trafficking, which, as anyone in the circle of theorists know, is a huge warning sign that something corrupt is in the midst.

To learn more about this devastating case, please visit:
“We’re in the Matrix” Tech CEO’s Cryptic Last Words | blameitonjorge
Are Thomas Reardon’s Experiments on ‘Brain Wave Interfaces’ Connected to Erin Valenti’s Death?

What is Ontocore?


Source: Reddit

Source: Facebook

I don’t know about you, but their phrase: “LESS HUMAN, MORE BEING” is really telling… then top that off with their obsession to being “committed” (they used the word 8 times in 6 sentences…) to doing “what is necessary”, not to mention their lovely snake eye-like logo… and I can see where the speculations of this group being a cult are stemming from.

The efforts of certain individuals and organizations (Facebook, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, DARPA, CTRL-labs, etc., etc., etc.) to control our minds aside, (which may be creating NPCs as we speak…) there is also the debate of the spiritual side indicating that some people are just born without a conscience and therefore an actual NPC in their own right.

The four percent of us who have no conscience
Spiritless Humans

So what is the reality when we’re surrounded by seemingly sentient beings? Are they really? Or is it true that there are some in our population who are literally just here as a means to test the “living souls” to see how far we are in our spiritual development? Is that why it seems as if some people are just too deeply indoctrinated and stuck in the “Matrix” and are an actual part of this system? Are the people who are waking up starting to come to the same realization? That perhaps members of their own family, friends, co-workers, etc. are there to test our growth and aptitude? Is that why the world seems like it’s in a perpetual state of chaos? To see if we choose to join the worldly system, or eventually open our eyes to this deception and expand our consciousness to fully realize our actual nature?

Is this a dangerous ideology and only presents more problems and division? “Living souls” vs. “soulless lives“? Or could there be some truth to this theory?

Obviously, no matter if “NPCs” are real or not, the only way to truly win in life is to not look down on anyone with disdain or condescension, no matter what your belief is. It is to treat each other with love and compassion, and be understanding that we’re all learning at our own pace. Some may get unplugged from the Matrix sooner than others, and some may not be unplugged at all. But we are all on our journey, and the best thing we can do is set our own example of being loving and caring individuals.

If it is true that we are indeed wrestling “not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12), then it is even more crucial to be able to detect this “spiritual wickedness”, and stand strong in our own resolution and resist falling into this corrupt system.

Fact checking is extremely important. I want to reiterate not to take everything at face value; no matter what you read, where you read it from, or who you hear it from. And to be clear, do not rely on “fact checking” websites to give you accurate information either. These are just as likely, (if not even more likely…), to feed false information and false debunking accounts to manipulate the reader. Please take everything into consideration before adhering to a certain narrative – and always keep your mind open to other possibilities.

Fair use disclaimer: Some of the links from this article are provided from different sources/sites to give the reader extra information and cite the sources, but does not necessarily mean that I endorse the contents of the site itself. Additionally, I have tried to provide links to the contents that I used from other sites as an educational and/or entertainment means only; if you feel that any information deserves further citation or request to be clarified, please let me know through the contact page.

Featured Image by ParallelVision from Pixabay

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Are you in Control of Your Thoughts?

Or do your thoughts control you?

Where do our thoughts come from? What’s truly inside our hearts?

Have you ever taken a step back and wondered where on Earth our thoughts come from?

I had a discussion with my son the other night (that he brought up) that he was worried about some of the thoughts that popped into his head. He was explaining that he doesn’t mean to think them, but they just pop into his head with no clear-cut reason. And I’ve wondered about that too.

I’ve had quite a few thoughts that I would deem as mean. Awful, hurtful things that I don’t truly believe. Where did it come from? Was it just a mean thought that passed in my head fleetingly? Do I really feel that way? Sometimes it’s so bad that it literally takes me aback and I just sit there thinking, “Gosh, that was horrible. I would never think that normally. Where did that come from?”

The only thing that keeps me from really worrying about these thoughts is that I can literally feel inside my heart that I truly care about people. I can cry at the littlest, simplest prompt, so I know I’m not a cruel, hateful person. Now whenever an unwanted thought pops into my head, I simply dismiss it as a weird, unusual thought that I know I don’t believe, and I leave it at that. I don’t dwell on it, or worry about it. And sometimes, I take it to the Lord to take care of it for me.

When my son was explaining this dilemma to me, I gave him a speech that entailed acknowledging that random thoughts that pop into our head is normal, but to not focus on them as it doesn’t make us who we are. If we put too much focus onto it, instead of realizing that sometimes weird, outward thoughts will sometimes invade our mind, then it becomes a problem; an obsession of sorts.

I found it interesting that my son brought this subject up, especially since the day before I covered the 6th chapter of Genesis, which includes this verse:

"The LORD saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time."
Genesis 6:5

Now, the specific-ness of this verse gets to me. ‘Every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart‘… it doesn’t say ‘thoughts of the mind’. It pertains to the thoughts of our heart. How we feel. What we truly believe. People can entertain certain thoughts but not believe it or act upon it. But what is inside our hearts and our true motive is where it counts.

Can people become corrupted due to the nature of the thoughts that come into our mind?

I would say ‘yes’. Which is why I think it’s incredibly important to be aware of our own thoughts and develop our own conscious awareness of the things that go on around us, and what goes on inside us. How do we start from an innocent child with no real evil intent, and grow to become an evil dictator, or abusive spouse/parent, or a cold-hearted killer?

Is the way we were raised and our interactions with society and other forms of stimulation/entertainment/indoctrination molding our thought patterns without us even realizing it?

Do you own the thoughts that occur to you?

Perhaps sometimes we let these random thoughts control us. Instead of the other way around.

Those who know my backstory will have come across a time in my life in which I was extremely bitter, angry, and having outrageous violent thoughts. Did they truly come from me? Where did those thoughts come from? Was I one of those people that the Bible talks of as having an evil inclination of the heart? Granted, the reason for my bitterness is that I couldn’t stand to see injustices, and that’s all I ever seemed to see, so my heart was turning cold, black and hard. Thanks to a ‘divine interference’ of sorts, I was finally able to come around. But I didn’t do that myself. I was heading into a downward spiral and it wasn’t until something spiritual came over me that I began to change my ways.

Prayer Helps

Now with my son concerned about random, weird thoughts flowing into his head from time to time, I’ve made it a point to tell him what really works for me is to pray. I literally pray every single night before I go to sleep. As a matter of fact, I fall asleep praying. It’s the last thing I do every night. Sometimes I’ll pray during the daytime about one thing or another. I’ll thank the Lord for blessing me with my son, I’ll thank Him for my life, I’ll pray to wish for someone’s well-being; everyone’s well-being, as a matter of fact.

I also tell him that whenever he wants to talk, about whatever is in his mind, to please talk to me. Communication is so important and I think during our busy lives and how quickly time passes us by, it’s sometimes easy to lose sight of what really matters – caring and loving each other and letting them know that we’re there for them.

We have to realize that our thoughts aren’t what makes us. It’s what’s inside our hearts and our true intentions is where it matters. Yet, if we give too much attention and focus to these random thoughts that enter our mind, even though we don’t really feel that way, we let these thoughts consume us and take over, and that’s when we really need to be discerning and mindful of our actions and how we think.

Ultimately, we will face up to God one day, and to ourself. My belief is that our Higher Self will be our very own judge. Perhaps this Higher Self (maybe the Christ consciousness/conscience in each of us) tries to help us through our lives in choosing the “right thing to do”, but our own ego and pride, desires, jealousy, etc. gets in the way and we don’t listen. Every time we dismiss this other voice within us and just choose to do what we want to do, rather than what we should do, is a decision of our own making that we will have to own up to one day.

God knows what’s inside our hearts. For the atheists/unbelievers, there’s still a moral code that is generally followed. We innately know what we should and should not do. Will we cave in to the random prompts of our minds that occasionally compel us to carry out an egregious action? Or do we have the foresight, the compassion, the inclination of a good heart, to not listen to these outward, negative thoughts?

Alternatively, occasionally, we’ll have a flash of insight or inspiration. Again, where does this come from? How does our creative process work? Is this something different to the random, negative thoughts that come in our mind? Is it coming from within ourselves? Or are we, perhaps, tapping into something that we have yet to comprehend?

What do you think?
 

No, seriously. What do you think?

Fact checking is extremely important. I want to reiterate not to take everything at face value; no matter what you read, where you read it from, or who you hear it from. And to be clear, do not rely on “fact checking” websites to give you accurate information either. These are just as likely, (if not even more likely…), to feed false information and false debunking accounts to manipulate the reader. Please take everything into consideration before adhering to a certain narrative – and always keep your mind open to other possibilities.

Fair use disclaimer: Some of the links from this article are provided from different sources/sites to give the reader extra information and cite the sources, but does not necessarily mean that I endorse the contents of the site itself. Additionally, I have tried to provide links to the contents that I used from other sites as an educational and/or entertainment means only; if you feel that any information deserves further citation or request to be clarified, please let me know through the contact page.

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Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Syndrome

Are there times we step out of our “regular personality”?

Are you one of those people that can stay true to yourself no matter if you’re all by yourself or in a group of people? Or do you find yourself adjusting your personality to fit the mold of others?

Have you ever changed your personality to deliberately goad others? Some people change their personality to try and please others. The “people pleaser”. And then others change from a relatively shy person to an outgoing one if the need arises. Once the particular event is over, they revert back to their withdrawn, quiet persona. The same can be said with a person who’s normally outgoing, but shows a timid, quiet side depending on the situation.

Is this simply attributed to the mood we’re in? Perhaps it is still our natural personality, and the mood we’re in dictates what kind of personality trait we’re experiencing at the time. It doesn’t mean our personality is different or has changed, right?

I think there are different factors we have to consider when going into this subject. After all, are any of us truly ourselves at all times? And what does this particular question mean? How do we know our “true personality” to begin with?

Most of the times I like to consider myself a sweet, caring person. Am I like that all the time? Certainly not! I wish I was, but the fact of the matter is that I (as do us all) have a darker, more cynical side that once in awhile comes out. I try to learn after I have these outbursts or thoughts that I’d rather not have, and I think that’s the key. Knowing that we’re not “perfect” but striving to do better each time anyway. Own up to the mishaps, learn from them, but don’t dwell on them. Forgive yourself, and work towards a kinder, more compassionate response next time.

Now, the real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome is deeper than our personalities just not jiving with how we “normally” are. People will have their good days and their bad days. That doesn’t make them a “bad person” or a “good person”. And it certainly doesn’t mean that they have a dissociative identity disorder.

Mr. Nice Guy Turned Bad Boy

My sister has seen the kindest customer day in and day out (a regular) turn into a rude, frustrated individual. She never would have expected this behavior from him, but can she hold it against him? “Normally” he’s kind and sweet, but after one too many orders being wrong and having to wait all the time because he’s the “nice customer”, and a company would rather a nice customer wait than an angry, bitter one, it must have finally crossed his threshold and he let it be known. Even my sister felt bad for him that he had to reach this limit. She didn’t hold it against him, and she even sympathized with him and understood his frustration.

Why do we take advantage of “nice people” in this way? Is it because we “know” that we won’t get retaliated against? That they would just put up with the bad behavior and we’d still have a nice person on our hands? Do people consider these nice, kind people as pushovers that we can just step all over?

Well, in this case, the unintentional neglect went too far and the normally nice customer finally unleashed his suppressed frustration that has undoubtedly accumulated for who knows how many months or even years.

My sister related to me how they were knowingly setting him aside so they could take care of other, more impatient customers. So his eventual outburst was sadly not so surprising. And she felt bad about being an unsuspecting catalyst to his brief transformation.

After his irritated display, he still remained a regular customer and was treated much better after his recent outburst. Sad that it had to come to that, but for some reason, this whole dichotomy of treating angry, bitter people better than polite, respectful ones still remains persistent. Sure some don’t give in to this “rule”, but the amount of “nice” people getting the short end of the stick can unfortunately still be seen in abundance in today’s society.

Has this happened to you? Have you seen a case of someone who is normally considered nice and respectful all of a sudden fly off the handle and tell people what they really think? It is a sight to behold, that is for sure, because one wouldn’t expect it coming from them. And that’s exactly why this situation comes as more of a shock than from someone we already know is rude and condescending.

Angel vs. Devil

Although the real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome deals with the dissociative or split personality disorder, sometimes I feel as if everyone has days where they are not their “normal” selves. The allegory of the devil/angel on the shoulder has been depicted as one’s conscience being split into two parts. The devil, of course, trying to tempt the host to choose the wrong path. And the angel, trying to steer the host into doing the right thing.

Angel and devil depicted on Kronk's shoulders.

Disney’s Kronk’s New Groove

Angel and devil depicted on Ash's shoulders from Army of Darkness.

   Army of Darkness

Angel and devil depicted on a My Little Pony character.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Choosing between the angel and devil has been a running joke in and out of the media, from Disney movies to horror/comedy films to children’s TV shows, etc. But the message is a relatable recurring battle between choosing to do the right thing, or being tempted to do the wrong thing. The scary thing is, both of these urging seems to come from within.

An interesting thing to note, is certain religions believe that there is an evil spirit residing within, and a good one, who is always with the person and prompts them to do evil or good.

Take Islam, for example. Muslims believe that each person has two companions that are constantly with them, the evil jinn (qareen) and the good angel. Both of these beings are simultaneously working on each person to either lead them into sin (the qareen’s work) or lead them to follow Allah (the God of Muslims) which is the angel’s work. These are quite literally the “devil and angel” on one’s shoulder.

Another example within religion that believes that everyone has two beings (one good/one evil) that resides within each of us is Judaism. The yetzer hatov, an angel whose influence is toward the good and is depicted on the right side, and the yetzer hara, an angel whose influence is toward sin and wickedness and who is depicted on the left side.

And that’s another thing to take into account. In a lot of religions and in the media examples I gave above, these angel and devil placements are usually always with the good inclination being on the “right side”, and the bad inclination on the “left side”.

Personal Battle with my Conscience and Inner Demon

A spooky and real tale that I’d like to relate to you all, is when I had my own inner battle with two opposing forces trying to lead me into making specific choices. I was very aware of this moment, which is why I can tell it pretty clearly.

I was at a gas station and going to withdraw some cash from the ATM. I had my 3 year old son with me at the time. As I reached the machine, before I even put my card in, I noticed 60 dollars sticking out of it that someone forgot to take.

Instantly I heard a voice inside my head say, “Woah, nice! Free 60 bucks.”

I kid you not when I say that this voice was coming from my left side.

Then, in a much quieter voice, and not condemning at all but just politely saying, I heard coming from my right side, “But it doesn’t belong to you.”

Sure enough, the voice on the left piped up and said, “Yeah, but imagine what you could do with that 60 bucks.”

I was literally listening to these two inner voices having a debate on why I should or should not take the money. I already knew what decision I was going to make, but it was fascinating to me that I could literally stand there while this inner dialogue was going on inside my head. And, to be honest, even though I knew I was going to turn the money in, I was tempted to keep it.

The “good voice” spoke up in opposition to the “bad voice”, “What if it was the last 60 dollars that the person has?”

The bad voice argued, “They couldn’t have needed it that much if they left it. Just take it. No one’s going to know.”

And again the good voice would chime in with a reason why I shouldn’t, “It’s wrong.”

I have to say, the good voice did not tell me outright to “not take it”. The good voice always came back with a reason or a statement why I shouldn’t. They did not command me to do anything. The bad voice, however, told me straight up to take the money.

Making the Right Choice

While the debate was raging on, again, I had already made up my mind to turn the money in. And I used this event as a teachable moment for my son and told him, “Uh oh. Someone left 60 dollars in the ATM machine. We need to turn this in.” So I went to the teller and turned in the 60 dollars and let them know that someone left it in the machine, so hopefully they come back for it.

Now, I knew the teller could have just pocketed the money. But I wanted to do the right thing and hoped for the benefit of the doubt that the teller would do the right thing as well. After all, they probably had security cameras around so it might be tough for them to just pocket it without getting caught. I really don’t know. But my conscience was clear and after I turned the money in, the voices went away.

It was the only clear moment I had where I could literally hear the good (right) side and the bad (left) side battle for what I should do. I found it incredible and have never forgotten that moment. And I have to remind you, the good voice was quiet. Almost inaudible. So imagine since the bad voice was so dominant, if people just don’t normally hear the good voice and so they are more prone to listening to the only voice they can hear. “Oh yeah! Taking the money does sound like a great idea! It’s a gift for being such a good person. Sweet!”

Different Online Personalities

Being behind a screen seems to offer some semblance of safety and anonymity. This relaxed, carefree attitude allows one to let go a bit of their personality, and delve into a persona that’s quite different than the one they would normally display in real life.

Take this website for instance.

On some posts, I advocate love, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, and so on. The “good” personality. The Dr. Jekyll. Polite, courteous, kind.

Then, on the other hand, while not completely off the rails as a Mr. Hyde personality, there is the cynic, sarcastic, not-so-polite trait that I sometimes embody to get certain points across in my posts. Am I cynical, sarcastic and impolite in real life? (sometimes…) But most of the time I’m learning and growing just like everybody else and trying to spread love and awareness wherever I go.

Certain posts that I make are a stark contrast to what I would like to represent in real life. (And make no mistake, once in a while I let a Mr. Hyde loose in real life as well, once I reach my certain limit. Again, of course not as drastic as the Mr. Hyde depicted in the novel.) Is this a one-off?

Nope. I make no bones about willingly continuing to showcase this other side of me. After all, I know this is not my “evil side”. It is simply a different point of view that I have that might not align perfectly with my “holy side”. And while our time here on Earth should lead us to make fewer and fewer mistakes, allowing ourselves to be human and show emotions is part and parcel to our life here as well. And I know I’m trying my best in most cases to take the high road and learn from my mistakes.

Also, these two different personalities I delve into on this website is a far cry from the characters that I used to partake in when I was younger.

Confessions of a Teenager

When I see others on the internet taking on the “troll” persona, I completely understand where they’re coming from. Before I changed from a violent, angry person into the person that I am today, I used to partake in all kinds of internet shenanigans. I’m not proud of them, but I know when to admit that I used to be just like the average troll you see today. Perhaps that’s why I can sympathize with them too.

In fact, my internet shenanigans took me from all over the place – that of a sweet, caring, innocent, cute little girl, to a brutal, sailor-mouthed, sarcastic man-hater, to a man that didn’t give two craps about anyone else. I played all kinds of different personalities and definitely let my inner Hyde out on a few unsuspecting internet users. Poor people. What they must have thought of me.

Was this just a way for me to escape realism? Was it a way for me to release steam on people that I couldn’t see and therefore did not care about them as real people with feelings? Perhaps. Perhaps I was a troubled young teen and had no direction. My parents didn’t realize I had retreated into this unusual lifestyle. And I certainly didn’t tell them about it. Was it their fault I was like this? Not in the slightest. I don’t blame them at all. It was my choice to take on this different route, and I was the one pushing others away.

The Inner Hyde Tries to Unleash

Slowly but surely, my inner Hyde was taking over my life. With or without the internet, my real life was taking me on a stroll to the dark side. What was once normal journal entries were turning into rants, rages, wishes for severe violence inflicted upon people I thought deserved it. I was filled with such hatred and vehemence, that I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore. I am not even sure where all this anger and animosity came from. And although I had a relatively loving family, I could feel myself turning on them and withdrawing even further into my hostility towards everyone.

The weird part of it was, I didn’t even realize how dark I was turning until a moment of clarity (divine intervention, I call it) happened while I was at work. I was in my mid-20’s at this point, slowly heading towards a dark and violent spiral. I was working in retail and had a customer that was frustrating me to no end. She kept asking me the same questions over and over and over. She wasn’t remembering anything I was telling her and I was getting so irritated with her that I was just going to simply walk away. I was getting rude, abrupt, talking to her with such condescension, and honestly was just about to leave. I kept thinking to myself, “What the hell is wrong with this lady? I’m telling her over and over again and she’s not listening! Why is she so stupid!?”

Clarification

But then, out of nowhere, certainly not my thoughts because it was so clouded with bitterness and annoyance, I heard in the back of my mind, “She has early Alzheimer’s.”

The voice was not judgemental. It was not condemning. It was not angry. It simply stated it as a matter of fact. Not rude. Not sweet. Just was. Just telling this poor, clueless, lost clerk why this lady couldn’t understand what she was being told.

I was so shocked, and immediately changed my tune, taking care of her fully this time and was patient with her until we figured the situation out. She thanked me for being so kind to her even though I was so rude to her just minutes before, which only made me feel worse, because she was a really nice lady and I couldn’t believe the way I treated her. After she left, I went to the back room, and cried.

I probably cried and sobbed for a good fifteen minutes just wondering what it was that happened to me and how I became the way I was. I was ashamed at the way I treated the lady; I was ashamed that it took a voice from an unknown being telling me the situation because I was too dense to figure it out myself. It shook me to the core. Because even though I’ve had brief experiences before that I couldn’t explain, this was my first encounter with a voice that was not my own helping me to choose the right path.

This was the catalyst that switched me from a bitter, hateful, violent person into the person I am today. Advocating for kindness, love, compassion. Believing in God and Jesus Christ. The Hyde persona was no longer bubbling up, and ever since this event, I have been on the path to try my best to be a kinder, gentler person. (Sometimes, I still fail, and I highly regret it when I do, but I use those failures as learning lessons, and try my best for next time. That’s all we can do. And I believe the best life we can live is one in which we’re just trying to do better. Trying to love each other unconditionally. Trying to not let the dark side win.)

Which Side Will You Choose?

Inside of each person there is bound to be 2 different sides. The question is, do we know this, and do we know when to reign it in? Of course, if it is really the “jinn” or the “yetzer hara”, we won’t want it to even peak it’s way through. This side of us should be addressed as a part of us that we know exists, but that we should consciously learn to seek the good voice above all else. Suppressing these thoughts may be too hard, so I believe the best way to approach these situations is recognizing it when it happens, and knowing the correct path to take (and choosing it, of course).

If we allow ourselves, I think we truly can reach that part that wants the best for ourselves. Call it the Higher Self or the Soul or what have you. Are most of us ignoring this inner voice? Can we determine what’s in our best interest or what’s simply persuading us to make bad choices? When we can learn to be discerning and reign in our darker impulses, the choice to the right path becomes clearer.

All of us have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde inside. The key is acknowledging this and making the conscious decision to let the good one shine.

Featured image by Chetan Dhongade from Pixabay

Crystal Clear Learning

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The Importance of Raising Vibrations - And why you should try it.