Confronting My Sanity, My Religion, and My Innocence

(or rather, the loss of all 3)

If you had asked me 10 years ago, ‘where would you be in 10 years’, I never would have thought it’d involve me developing a website dedicated to exposing corruption and preaching about Love and Forgiveness, and speaking about Jesus Christ.

I was off in my own blissful bubble; appreciating the life around me, raising my child, enjoying my job, delving into my hobbies – not a care in the world.

I was happy.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still appreciate my life. I feel happiness during certain times. I enjoy those little moments that we shouldn’t take advantage of but some do anyway.

But there is a stark difference between how I used to fall asleep at night – with what used to be a peaceful slight small smile on my lips, to praying every single night for Jesus Christ to return, sometimes crying myself to sleep.

Recently I’ve had to confront the fact that my life is not the way it used to be before. Not just from a normal part of aging, or growing up, or experience… but from the realization that everything I once thought was real/true, may not be true after all. And the fact that my eyes have been opened into seeing all of the atrocities going on in the world, and it has forced me to come to terms that I need to question everything – even things that were so deeply ingrained in me, but now I realize that it may be at the heart of the matter after all.

Questioning my sanity

As I go deep into some of these rabbit holes – CIA’s Operation Mockingbird, the vaccine/pharma agenda, religion vs. atheism vs. spirituality, freemasons/illuminati, Bilderberg group, the Holocaust, the “great reset”, nwo, etc., etc., etc., it’s made me address the very real possibility that most of what I “KNOW”, is merely all lies and falsehoods.

With a governmental agenda to literally get all Americans to believe that everything is a lie, how do we know, FOR SURE, what is real and what is propagandized?

Whether it’s due to hyper-paranoidism, or perhaps just a better understanding now of how “the world” works, I have come to the point where I actually don’t know what to believe anymore, and I doubt that most of what we are taught through history, in schools, etc. is true. I have come to the point where I honestly think that most of our lives is built on lies – ESPECIALLY when it comes to the government, religion, economics, wars, education…

As I have dug deeper into several institutions and what I DO believe is our actual history, there is only one thing really that connects everything.

And that’s our origins, our beginnings, our belief systems, religion, spirituality, the idea of a God or several gods. This is, as it seems, the core of all of our struggles today.

We may not realize it. In fact, I think billions of people DON’T realize it. They are still in the blissful, and/or unacknowledged matrix that I found myself in 10 years ago. They may know, instinctively, that something is wrong. But they can’t put their finger on it and they dismiss this feeling as an uncomfortable sensation that is better to just tune out than to confront it.

But due to certain circumstances that was actually out of my control, I ended up choosing to confront this uncomfortable awareness. Or rather, I was FORCED to do it.

Thus it led me on a downward spiral that revealed what may be the truth of the matter after all. And as such, my mind has a hard time comprehending it all and sometimes I even question myself on what if everything I’m researching is false. What if my own thoughts is false and I’m feeding into the misinformation campaign? I have actually been GASLIGHTING myself that what I am now coming to believe may not be true after all.

I think it’s an attempt at trying to rationalize all of this information away. What if I’M the one being misled and the world isn’t the way I have come to understand it? But I know that this is just a cop-out and a way of trying to lead me back “into the world”.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the source of our problems.

Losing (changing?) my religion…

“18 If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”John 15:18-19

This verse seems to be the core of what’s going on in the world. “The world” in this context, I believe, is referring to the worldly system set up – not the world as in the planet Earth. It is the whole societal structure that has been set up in an attempt to keep us all in line, and chasing the all-mighty dollar.

It involves the educational institutions, the medical/health industries, politics, economics, financial institutions, trade, stock market… and yes, most of all, RELIGION.

To understand this in better context, you HAVE to come to terms with the idea that there are, indeed, secret societies that exist. Once you can understand this concept, this notion not only becomes believable, but it practically leads all roads down this path and everything starts making sense.

I have touched upon this subject before, but imagine our beginnings, our ancestors, our ACTUAL history. Where did we come from? Imagine if there was a group of people that retained their knowledge of our actual heritage… And what if some of these very same people described in these texts, are still deadset in their ways – and refuse to acknowledge The One, True, Supreme Creator? What if, they are exactly what the Bible describes as those “of the world”?

“23 And He said to them, “You are from beneath; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world. 24 Therefore I said to you that you will die in your sins; for if you do not believe that I am He, you will die in your sins.”John 8:23-24

“43 Why do you not understand My speech? Because you are not able to listen to My word. 44 You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it. 45 But because I tell the truth, you do not believe Me. 46 Which of you convicts Me of sin? And if I tell the truth, why do you not believe Me? 47 He who is of God hears God’s words; therefore you do not hear, because you are not of God.” – John 8:43-47

Now, this is where things get tricky. I usually say something like the following, “I am not religious. But I am spiritual.”

And it’s been something that I’ve actually come to terms with that I don’t belong to one set religion. And that the battle we’re facing is a spiritual warfare. I still hold to that mindset. I also subscribe to the belief that the things of the material world are meant to lead us astray. The “world” that we should be following is Jesus Christ and the teachings of Love and Forgiveness; a divine/holy way of living. Not of things “of the world”. And that includes this whole societal construct most of us are living in right now.

And during my studies through Genesis, couldn’t help but notice the focus that the Lord is making towards wealth, land, nations, kingdoms, etc. …In my view of God, this does not fit. Now, I don’t want to be presumptuous and say that I know who/what God is, but in my heart, I feel as if the God that I am familiar with would not care about material wealth/possessions. It has rather been hard for me to get through this doctrine. So after doing some more research on this matter, came across a group known as the Cathars.

“Of themselves they say: “We are the poor of Christ, who have no fixed abode and flee from city to city like sheep amidst wolves, are persecuted as were the apostles and the martyrs, despite the fact that we lead a most strict and holy life, persevering day and night in fasts and abstinence, in prayers, and in labour from which we seek only the necessities of life. We undergo this because we are not of this world. But you, lovers of the world, have peace with it because you are of the world. False apostles, who pollute the word of Christ, who seek after their own interest, have led you and your fathers astray from the true path. We and our fathers, of apostolic descent, have continued in the Grace of God and shall so remain to the end of time. To distinguish between us and you Christ said “By their fruits you shall know them”. Our fruits consist in following the footsteps of Christ.”

– Source: Cathars and Cathar Beliefs in the Languedoc | Cathar Beliefs

“Cathar theology was essentially Gnostic in nature. They believed that there were two “gods”—one malevolent and one good. The former was in charge of all visible and material things and was held responsible for all the atrocities in the Old Testament. The benevolent god, on the other hand, was the one the Cathars worshipped and was responsible for the message of Jesus. Accordingly, they made every effort to follow the teachings of Jesus as closely as possible.”

– Source: Cathars & Albigenses: What Was Catharism?

This is fascinating to me. While I was researching Genesis, the incredible focus on land, wealth, material possessions, the aroma of burnt offerings pleasing the Lord… just did not resonate with me. I entertained the idea, “What if the God of the Old Testament is different than the God of the New Testament?” I know this is seen as highly blasphemous by a lot of those following Christianity, and again, I am not Christian, per se, but I do whole-heartedly believe in and love Jesus Christ.

So seeing a group known as the Cathars – who were “all” wiped out, incidently – referring to the Old Testament as having a God different than that of the New Testament, blew my mind. And that their stance about the material world being one of evil inclinations and temptations, and the way to divinity is to live in pure, kind compassion with each other and nature – COMPLETELY resonated with me.

Am I a Cathar and am just now learning about it?

Even more interesting, is coming across a prophecy that the very last Cathar made before he was burned alive (since all the Cathars were considered heretics – albeit, to cover up a different reason why they were genocided…)

“In 700 years, when the laurel grows green again” – Guilhem de Belibaste

Historical documentations point to Guilhem de Belibaste being burned allegedy on August 21, 1321 – although that specific date has been debated. But 1321 has been widely accepted and not contested. So if this date is correct, then of course the prophecy points to the year 2021 as being “when the laurel grows green again”.

But what does that mean, exactly? Again, that is up for debate. And no one really knows if this prophecy will come true as it is, and even if it does, what it will entail. So perhaps it is an obscure statement that could apply to a wide variety of possibilities, and it may not even be noticeable at the moment. But if it means what many people think it does, then it would seem a worldwide revival of the Cathar belief system, whether they consciously realize it or not, may be in effect.

Once you lose your innocence, you can’t get it back.

(Or can you?)

When I went down the rabbit hole and started questioning my own sanity and my religion, I realized something that really struck me at what was wrong with how I intrinsically felt inside.

It was the dawning awareness that my naivete, my innocence, my open-eyed wonder of the world, had come to an abrupt halt, and I was now looking at the grim reality around me. The reality that the world that most people strive to be a part of, one that I used to want to be a part of, is one full of traps, pitfalls, wicked deeds that are now being passed off as “good”, and a systematic powerhouse of leading us away from our true purpose.

Once my eyes opened to all of this deception, the lies, the fraud – most of it pointing to a huge spiritual upset – the sorrow that I felt since I knew that my life would never be the same and I would never get back that child-like innocence, swallowed me and left me feeling alone and desolate, and a yearning for the ways that it used to be.

But then, after struggling with this inner turmoil, I came to the resolution that I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, at least, I am awakening to the horrible atrocities that are committed just to keep the rest of us in the dark. I can step off of this worldly platform and fully dedicate myself to Jesus Christ and His teachings, knowing that I’m doing the right thing. Perhaps this is what must be done in order to raise people’s awareness and spread the message that the spiritual warfare is real, and goes deeper and darker than we think.

Maybe by putting aside this naive gullibility and innocent outlook towards the world, thinking that all of these material enhancements are for our benefit, we can shift our focus onto nature and our true roots – our soul and connection to the Creator.

Although I lost my innocence as a blissfully unaware human, just living my life as best as I can, I have gained an understanding and desire to strive for the Truth, and step out of this harmful paradigm of perpetuating division and materialistic pursuits.

I have asked myself, even though my innocence has been shattered, is there a way I can piece it back together? Not by ignoring all of the situations around us, but by slowly picking up all of these pieces and acknowledging that I can still enjoy the small things in life? The soothing sound of rain falling… A genuine smile from a loved one or stranger… A sweet video of a random act of kindness – or especially initiating the act of kindness ourself…

Maybe I’ve lost my sanity 😛 , maybe even changed my “religion” (although I’m not sure about that yet), and lost my innocence, but I do still have hope and the belief that things will work out in the end anyway. My motto, besides “Love and Forgive”, is “Jesus wins”. So no matter how much darkness seems to surround us, I have faith that “the world” will come to terms to its reality eventually and get back on the right track.

With that being said, my life may not be the same as it was before. And I may miss it at times, but to me, this just means that I’m heading in the right direction.

“20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” – Ephesians 4:20-24

Featured image by msandersmusic from Pixabay

Are We In The Matrix?

And are NPCs real?

Our minds and thoughts are a topic that I have a vested interest in, as you can see by several posts I’ve made addressing this very subject:

Mind Control and Dissociation
Did You Know?: There are some people that don’t have an inner dialogue.
Are You in Control of Your Thoughts?

And the repeated mention of others that touch on the idea of NPC’s (non-playable characters) being an actual, real life phenomena in our daily lives is something that I’d like to bring up.

Is this a ridiculous concept?

I have to be honest. Sometimes I wonder at the seemingly inability of some people to think “critically”, or even to think at all.

Morpheus: “The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system, is our enemy.

When you’re inside, you look around, what do you see?

Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters, the very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy.

You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.

Are you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?”

Neo: “I was – “

Morpheus: “Look again.”

Neo: (looks behind him to come face to face with a gun pointing at his head)

Morpheus: “Freeze it.”

Neo: “This, this isn’t the Matrix?”

Morpheus: “No. It’s another training program designed to teach you one thing.

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.”

Neo: “What are they?”

Morpheus: “Sentient programs. They can move in and out of any software still hardwired to their system. That means that anyone we haven’t unplugged is potentially an agent.

Inside the Matrix, they are everyone, and they are no one.

When I researched the inner monologue and inner thoughts, and the realization that some people truly did not have this capability, at all, but instead seemed to “file away” their information, it made me deduce that all of the knowledge that they have was given to them, and they don’t necessarily have the comprehension skills to logically reason through the data and come up with their own conclusion. They only accept it, without question, because it comes from an “expert” or an “authority figure”. Their inability to constructively go through the information and determine the truth of it is marred by, perhaps, their inherent different neurological make-up and the lack of an inner voice to help guide them into filtering facts from fiction.

Now obviously I’m not implying that everyone without an inner dialogue think the same way, or specifically think this way. But it was a correlation made between this and some of the interviews I’ve seen with people who claim that they don’t have an inner dialogue. Could there be some basis of truth to it?

All throughout our life, most of us are taught to “trust the news”, “trust our teachers”, “trust our parents”, “trust the police”, “trust the doctors”, “trust the government”, “trust the experts“, etc., etc., etc. The supposition is that most of us are so deeply wrapped in the “worldly system” that whatever the simulated majority says and thinks, people will go along with it because we (and especially the NPCs) quite literally need to be told what to do and how to think.

And if we are being told “facts” by those in a trusted position (I don’t think that exists anymore…), people are more inclined to believe these so-called experts, than a complete stranger who is calling these experts out for their errors. And don’t even get me started on the smear campaigns that the corrupt system indulges in if there is an actual expert (or anyone else for that matter) that is saying something against their narrative…

If there is someone with a thought that deviates from this system, there is automatic resistance to that person and/or idea because it is threatening their way of life.

And I have to be very clear. Some of these are very bright and intelligent people. They have incredible book knowledge and seem very informed on a wide variety of subjects. They’re smart. Coherent.

But that’s the thing. If the information they are getting from whatever source they are using is WRONG, they won’t be able to discern from this false information since it’s “common sense” to trust what’s in our history books, our teachers, our scientists, etc. The concept that the educational system, or psychologists, or news media and so on, can do no wrong is so deeply ingrained in them and they will refuse to think otherwise. Some will simply deny the truth out of fear – they DON’T WANT TO SEE IT. And anyone who can see through the lies and the deception will automatically be labeled as a “conspiracy theorist” and/or a paranoid delusional that needs help.

Now, imagine if there is an infiltration coup happening to invade every aspect of our lives. Let’s say, just for example, by a secret, corrupt organization – or society, if you will. This group will stop at nothing to put their own people at the top, even going so far as to murder and cover-up their agenda. Could these people successfully infiltrate our news media, our churches, our government, our education system, etc.?

Former Luciferian (Satanic) Cult Member Exposes the Dark Illuminati Agenda
How the Illuminati (Luciferian Satanists) Infiltrated Religion, Secret Socities & Government and Hijacked Them from Within

What do you think the answer is? Does this sound inconceivable and too complicated to ever be pulled off? What if this same group of people were indoctrinated since infancy to participate in this kind of hostile-takeover? What if these groups of people expand far further than most people realize and since they have no qualms about killing off their competitors, they would receive very little push back from the companies they are trying to take over?

And if there are NPC’s in our world, this take-over would be quite simple, really, since NPC’s won’t question their new over-lords leaders.

Are we surrounded by Agent Smiths? And/or bodies capable of hosting Agent Smiths?

Source: youtube | Bloomberg Politics

A secret service agent appears to give commands to Hillary Clinton at a campaign after Hillary stalls for a moment while staring at an unseen person or object off screen. Several other agents then surround Hillary, either in an effort to protect her, or, perhaps, to control her and/or the situation around them. Meanwhile, the first agent repeats his command to her to “keep talking”.

And are there people that have been unplugged, but are desperate to go back into the system, even at the cost of other people’s lives?

Please check out the tragic tale of Erin Valenti. Shortly before she died, she called her parents in a panic and stated the following cryptic message,

It’s all a game, it’s a thought experiment, we’re in the Matrix.

Erin Valenti was a CEO for Tinker Ventures (strangely, there is not much activity on the Twitter page and the last tweet was made on August 23, 2019) as well as other startup initiatives, and was also involved in other companies that research and experiment with mind control and brainwave interfaces and DNA/genetic sequencing  – such as CTRL-labs and Summit Partners/IDT (Integrated DNA Technologies). Not to mention her connection with Silicon Valley and the tech networking/industries, which are a whole questionable and suspicious circumstance in and of itself.

There was also the controversial seminar (Ontocore / Create Powerful) she attended that many suspect is a kind of indoctrination camp or maybe even some type of cult initiation. Of course, this could be way off base and an actual legitimate course to help those in executive positions, although only those directly involved and who have participated would know for sure. (If they have the eyes and ears to see and hear it for what it is…)

She was also an advocate for the fight against human trafficking, which, as anyone in the circle of theorists know, is a huge warning sign that something corrupt is in the midst.

To learn more about this devastating case, please visit:
“We’re in the Matrix” Tech CEO’s Cryptic Last Words | blameitonjorge
Are Thomas Reardon’s Experiments on ‘Brain Wave Interfaces’ Connected to Erin Valenti’s Death?

What is Ontocore?


Source: Reddit

Source: Facebook

I don’t know about you, but their phrase: “LESS HUMAN, MORE BEING” is really telling… then top that off with their obsession to being “committed” (they used the word 8 times in 6 sentences…) to doing “what is necessary”, not to mention their lovely snake eye-like logo… and I can see where the speculations of this group being a cult are stemming from.

The efforts of certain individuals and organizations (Facebook, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, DARPA, CTRL-labs, etc., etc., etc.) to control our minds aside, (which may be creating NPCs as we speak…) there is also the debate of the spiritual side indicating that some people are just born without a conscience and therefore an actual NPC in their own right.

The four percent of us who have no conscience
Spiritless Humans

So what is the reality when we’re surrounded by seemingly sentient beings? Are they really? Or is it true that there are some in our population who are literally just here as a means to test the “living souls” to see how far we are in our spiritual development? Is that why it seems as if some people are just too deeply indoctrinated and stuck in the “Matrix” and are an actual part of this system? Are the people who are waking up starting to come to the same realization? That perhaps members of their own family, friends, co-workers, etc. are there to test our growth and aptitude? Is that why the world seems like it’s in a perpetual state of chaos? To see if we choose to join the worldly system, or eventually open our eyes to this deception and expand our consciousness to fully realize our actual nature?

Is this a dangerous ideology and only presents more problems and division? “Living souls” vs. “soulless lives“? Or could there be some truth to this theory?

Obviously, no matter if “NPCs” are real or not, the only way to truly win in life is to not look down on anyone with disdain or condescension, no matter what your belief is. It is to treat each other with love and compassion, and be understanding that we’re all learning at our own pace. Some may get unplugged from the Matrix sooner than others, and some may not be unplugged at all. But we are all on our journey, and the best thing we can do is set our own example of being loving and caring individuals.

If it is true that we are indeed wrestling “not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12), then it is even more crucial to be able to detect this “spiritual wickedness”, and stand strong in our own resolution and resist falling into this corrupt system.

Fact checking is extremely important. I want to reiterate not to take everything at face value; no matter what you read, where you read it from, or who you hear it from. And to be clear, do not rely on “fact checking” websites to give you accurate information either. These are just as likely, (if not even more likely…), to feed false information and false debunking accounts to manipulate the reader. Please take everything into consideration before adhering to a certain narrative – and always keep your mind open to other possibilities.

Fair use disclaimer: Some of the links from this article are provided from different sources/sites to give the reader extra information and cite the sources, but does not necessarily mean that I endorse the contents of the site itself. Additionally, I have tried to provide links to the contents that I used from other sites as an educational and/or entertainment means only; if you feel that any information deserves further citation or request to be clarified, please let me know through the contact page.

Featured Image by ParallelVision from Pixabay

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